I jump out of my freezing shower which is still like Antarctica. Honestly... don't plumbers or whoever they are, exist? I'm tired of living in liquid snow while showering. I get ready and throw on the outfit Isla's had set aside for me. I come out into the living room. Isla's surveying my apartment. Now, it may not seem like it, I am a clean person. My living room is clean, but it still looks dirty because I live in a dark, dingy apartment. Isla sits on my 80s, orange coloured couch. I join her. We sit in silence. I stare at her, "you had better not gotten me up so we could sit here and not do anything." She smiles, "Oh we'll do something." I roll my eyes. I stand up and am about to go to the fridge when there's a knock at the door. I go to the door and it's my neighbor Paddy, with her son Owen. Now to give you a visual of Owen... he's 6' with brown oily bowl cut (because apparently he didn't get the memo that bowl cuts are for boys who're 8), he wears grey cashmere sweaters or sweater-vests, ( because he doesn' t understand that it's a crime for a 29 year old to dress like an 80 year old) and he wears white old man shoes. I mean if there was one guy who was determined to dress like a senior citizen... it's him. To make it even better he's a know-it-all. He thinks he's so smart because he got a masters in computers and can speak arabic. Don't ask me how he learned it... to be honest... I don't wanna know. Oh... and one more thing you should know... he is the one guy who makes it evidently known that he likes me. He's constantly dropping of cards that ask me on a romantic date to the Apple Store to look at different laptops... yeah... he's definitely smooth with ladies... basically he's like Michael Scott from The Office... except with a masters.
I look at Paddy whose smiling at me. I like her. She's a real sweet heart. I know that she's had a hard go of life. Her husband left her and Owen when he was five and doesn't provide any money for them. Paddy works hard as a dentist assistant. (Owen does have nice teeth... I will give him that). Plus she has a heart condition. I don't know what it is but I know her heart is weak. So I try to be there for her if she needs me. Some times she'll ask me to look after her cat or feed her plants when her and Owen go to visit her mom in Nevada. I look at them waiting for them to say something. Paddy looks at Owen as if waiting for him to do something. I wait nervously. Suddenly I feel like I know what's going on. I feel my heart beat rising. This is not happening. He wouldn't! Owen... you wouldn't dare pull the mom card on me! He smiles at me and try to keep my eyes on his perfect teeth... they really are. "Um, Bridge..." He seems to think he can call me Bridge because of the amount of times he passes me in the hallway, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today". I want to punch him in the face. In fact I see myself punching him in the stomach in my mind. I smile at Paddy (the time of smile where you feel like you're flexing your lips but not showing any teeth) and I look at Owen... I'm about to say no when Isla comes to the door. "Hi, I'm Isla..." she shakes both of their hands. I desperately pray that Owen will turn his attention to Isla. But he doesn't. He stares at me waiting. I clear my throat, "You know Owen in as much as it'd be nice, I'm hanging out with Isla so..." I stop and see Paddy's face fall. I look at Isla. She's heard of Owen and knows what I'm trying to do. She tries to think of something to bail me out, but can't. "Um... uh... well actually... Isla and I were gonna go for a walk." He runs his hands through his greasy hair and I swear I can see oil dripping down his forehead, "I walk. I'm a great walker. I walk all the time." Isla and I glance at each other. I look at Paddy who smiles happily. I could kill Owen for pulling the mom card. I decide right there and then that I'm gonna tell him on the walk that it will not go anywhere and that he has used his only mom card. There are no more mom cards, Owen! You've used it all up! As much as I don't want your mom to die on account of me... I don't wanna die myself and I would die if I hung out with you more than today... "Okay," I say, "We'll met you outside of Starbucks in an hour..." he smiles at me and walks away with his mom. I give them a pathetic wave. I close the door to my apartment and stare at Isla whose about to burst out laughing. She stares at me and I know that she's about to tell me something she's been saving since she first arrived, "What, Isla? Out with it". She looks at me with a gleam in her eyes... "So, um... you know Yall-eel?" I roll my eyes, "Yeah... we're real tight." She laughs, "I um... didn't tell you that he wanted to hang out with me today and I told him that you were joining me". I'm about to yell at her and then realize the humor of this situation. I can tell already that Isla doesn't like him and that he's a story she wants to tell me about before I actually meet him. Isla waits for me to react and I start to smile, "Well I guess at least we're gonna through this together..." Isla runs over to me and links my arm, "There's the spirit that I love... and honestly... Owen's not that bad. I kinda dig the bowl cut," I stop and stare at her. She laughs. We make our way to Starbucks. Which you've kinda guessed by now... one of my homes.
Isla and I sit down to our coffee. Isla takes a sip of her drink and spills some on her shirt. I laugh as its so typical. She wipes it with her napkin, "I hope it won't stain!" I look at it, "Put some basic H on it and it won't". Isla looks at me with an annoyed look on her face, "Yeah... cause I've got it in my purse." I look at her and dig through my purse. I can't believe I have a small bottle of it. Basic H is the all purpose cleaner that is good for everything. It's like Windex but better. Isla looks at me with disbelief and then goes to the washroom. She comes out looking happier. As she walks past drink-hand-off place a guy stares at her and accidentally spills coffee over the barista. Isla turns back to the commotion and then back at me. She sits down, "Kay, it's not like I do anything." I keep laughing, "Tell me about Yal-eel. Where the heck is he from?" Isla starts laughing, "He's from Russia, but his parents adopted him and his parents are Polish. They thought they'd give him a funky name. We're in the same acting program," I nodd as she continues ,"Anyway, he looks like a greek god. I'm just gonna be honest. He's got the whole thick golden hair goin on and he's really tall. I swear angels sing when he walks into the room. Of course he's cocky and a little flambouyant, but he's super masculine in other areas." I laugh. This is what girls do... boys are a major topic... it can't be helped... whether you're single or married. Isla keeps going, "So I'm on the computer and he comes over to me. Now... I helped him move into his apartment last week. He needed help and was complaining about it in class so I offered... being the wonderful girl that I am. He doesn't even thank me! I put down the last box and he looks at me says, '"Great, well see yeah tomorrow"'. I mean, did he honestly say that? His hotness just went down to three because of that." She does her little whistle which indicates she doesn't approve. I nod in agreement, "Kay, but then what happened?" She takes a sip of her drink, "So I'm really mad at him. You don't freakin take someone's offer to help you move and not thank them. So he comes up to me in the library and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him that I'm sending an e-mail. He asks to whom and I tell him to my grandmother who I'm really close to. He then gets mad and is like "'Why didn't you just tell me that?"' He's just so frustrating!! I mean yesterday I went over to his house because I forgot my sweater there and he comes out in just a towel! Anyway... I don't know what's going on. He just is the most annoying, arrogant guy and he wanted to hang out this morning so I said yes." I'm about to say something when I see Owen walk into the cafe. I can't believe he did this. As he does, Isla looks over too and she sees Yall-eel. We both give each other sympathetic looks.
We go outside with our coffees and head to a nearby park. People are running and walking their dogs. I'm careful to make sure there's no dog crap anywhere because of yesterday. Owen walks beside me and slurps his drink which is the most irritating thing he could possibly do... o wait... he's just irritating being himself. Yal-eel walks beside Isla. None of us are saying anything. Isla and I make eye contact and we have to work at not laughing at this situation. Owen looks at me, "So you heard about the Ipads?" Honestly, Owen, you wanna go there? You really wanna make me think more less of you than I already do? "Uh... yeah. I've heard of it, but I don't want it." Owen stops and the rest of us look back at him. He looks like he's gonna cry. I hear Yal (that's what I've nick-named him) ask what's going on. "What?" I ask. He stares at me, "How can you not want it, Bridge. It's the future. It's like you're not even thinking about how the future is evolving. Don't you know that eventually we won't have movie stores or book stores. It's all about the future. It's all about getting in the groove with tech. That's what we gotta do? Haven't you seen the documentary on how computers save lives? It was so moving I almost cried." I blink. That's literally all I can do. I suddenly realize that Owen's stopped in the middle of the bike path. I look to the sharp corner just behind him and in slow mow I see a biker come around the corner and hit him. They both collide. To my utter horror it's the same guy from yesterday. He gets up and yells at Owen and then sees me. He mouths something and I'm pretty sure it's "I'm gonna find that dog whose crap I feel in and feed it to you." I quickly turn away. Owen isn't worth this humiliation. Owen looks at the guy and gets mad at him. He then turns to us with a calm smile. "Let's continue."
We keep walking. I hear Yal talking, "You've gotta help me with this part, Isla. I mean to go to that emotional place is hard and I think it's good when someone's there when you practice a monologue." Isla looks at me and then back to Yal. "I don't like acting," Owen says. Yal stops and looks at Owen, "Look, dude, I don't get your whole get up..." Yal tries to sum him up and for the first time Yal goes up a number in my book: Zero to one, but hey that's a start... "But at least I'm not judging you for it." Owen shoves me and Isla out of the way. "I'm not judging. Just stating facts. What's gonna last longer... computers or actors. Soon we're gonna be sharing the world with robots. Robots are the future. Acting is for kids." They're in each other's faces and they're both highly unaware of the pond nearby. Isla and I look at each other. We both kinda wanna warn them, but we wanna see if it'll actually happen. They start poking each other as their argument escalates. "You don't need brains to act! Acting is for those who can't do anything else!" Owen yells as he shoves Yal with his index finger. "Yeah... well guys like you love computers because you don't know how to interact with humans. It's obvious Bridget doesn't like you. It's obvious to anyone... even to the ducks in this pond! At least Isla likes me. At least I've got a girl. I can have any girl I want," Yal shoves Owen back with his finger. They grab each other's shoulders and start wrestling in a little boy type of way. They are at the edge. Isla and I run at them and shove them in the water. We slap high fives and walk off. If that wasn't a hint that we're done with them... then I don't know what is.
Isla and I hang out at my house for the rest of the day arguing which guy was worse than other. It was probably the funnest worst double date I've ever been on.
No comments:
Post a Comment