I make my coffee and give her a call and she tells me that she can actually meet me at Sheila's house and hang until Sheila's husband gets home. "You mean you can't and we're gonna leave at five like we planned?" I ask. "Right," comes through the phone, "I can't. We're gonna have to stop at Starbucks to sooth my aching heart from all the drama that's happening in my soap opera life." I smile, "That's perfect. My mom'll believe that." I hang up the phone happy that I have an excuse to come later. Thank you Carina! You always come through!! I grab my tooth brush and head out the door.
I get on the bus and I'm happy to report that nothing crazy happened. No Ashton, (thank God!) not that I wouldn't want to see him... but I need a break from being a clutz. Sometimes I swear its too much. I'm so absorbed in looking at music on my ipod that I miss my stop and have to get off at the next one. Good on, Bridge... at least you're not carrying a farting phone or saying stupid things when Hot Ashton's around.
I get to Sheila's house on time, for the first time ever!! YAY ME!! I am so happy that I'm actually doing a victory dance as I knock on the door. Sheila opens it and catches me dancing. I drop my hands and look at her. She waits for the explanation. I open my mouth and try to think of something, "I... have a twitching problem." She laughs at me and lets me in. She grabs her things and tells me to have a good day. Right, I can have a good day when I'm going over to my cougar mom's house to watch her try and go back in time to recreate a time when she felt young and pretty. Not so much.
I go into Jaz's room (I call her Jaz now... we're tight) and she's standing up in her crib. I smile down at her. She lifts her hands for me to pick her up. I grab her and kiss her cheek. She is perhaps the cutest little girl ever. I change her (now I'm a pro... no more diaper disasters) and get her dressed. She coos and kahs. I take her into the kitchen and put her in her high chair and get breakfast ready. I grab the cheerios and pour some on the high-chair tray. I grab some dried fruit and throw it with the cheerios. I sit beside her. She looks at me as if to say "Spill."
"It's not like I'm not happy," I tell her. "I enjoy looking after you and I enjoy teaching piano and I enjoy hanging out with my friends. But I feel like there's always this restlessness to wanna do something more. Like I feel like something exciting's coming but I don't know what it is... or it could feel like whatever I experience is never enough." I look at her as she gently pushes a cheerio into her mouth. She makes a face at me, my favourite face, if I could describe it I would... but I can't. I kiss her again and she smiles at me. It's as if she says, "It's all good. Something great will happen." I hold out another cheerio for her, "Thanks for listening... and I can't believe I'm talking to a 14 month old baby about the deep things of life... I need help."
At one there's a knock at the door. I open it and it's Carina. She smiles at me and come inside. Since Jaz is down for a nap I can give her my complete attention. She looks around, "Man, this house is massive. Who knew a pent-house could be this big!" She sits down on one of black couches. I join her. She looks at me and I can tell something's up. "What's up?" She sifts through her purse and hands me a letter. I read it and it's a practicum/job offer to join a counselling group in New York. "My teachers recommended me to do a practicum there and it will more than likely turn into a job." I hand the letter back to her. "That's great, Car... what does Scott think?"
"He's really happy for me... but I know that he doesn't want me to go. That would mean we'd have to eventually move to New York and he doesn't wanna move there."
"But you wanna do it, don't you?"
"Yeah... I really do. I want more experience and I've lived in Seattle my whole life. But... that would mean..."
"Long distance...?" There's a big pause. She looks at me with sad eyes.
"We'd break up."
"No... you wouldn't break up would you?"
"Well I don't see the other option. He doesn't want to move to New York. And you know Scott. Once he's got his mind set he isn't very good at changing it."
I pause and try to think of the options that I could give her. "You could try long distance. Or better yet... he could get a job over there. Cities are always needing teachers, right?" Carina just stares straight ahead. I wanna comfort her, but I suppose at certain times just listening is the best. Carina looks over at me, "Anyway, let's talk about something more exciting. I don't wanna deal with this just yet." I think for a minute, "Well, we can always think about how you and I get to see my lovely mother in all her get-up." Carina smiles at that and looks at me with a grin, "Now that I'm always up for."
Sheila's husband arrives and Carina and I leave. My mom lives in Winatchee. I know... what a name, right? Carina and I go out for coffee first and then make our way. I wanna be a little late, but not too late that my mom insists we spend the night. True to my prediction she calls asking when I'm coming. I tell her we're almost there. Carina drops me off so she can go and visit her folks but promises to come back for dinner.
I stand in front of my house. So many memories in that brown split-level home. I'm almost scared to go up to the door. But I make myself. I open the door (knowing it won't be locked because my mom doesn't believe in crime) and walk up the stairs. "Hello!" I hear running feet. My mom comes running down the hallway in a white slip, her hair is in rollers and she's wearing a green gooey mask. "Bridge!!! You're home! I was thinking you wouldn't come!"
"Nope, I'm here mom."
"Good, now come and help me in the bathroom," she walks back toward her room. I'm about to follow her when I smell some smoke from the living room. I glance in the living room and see a random stranger smoking a cigaret. I roll my eyes. Another one of mom's wonderful boy friends. She always has a knack for attracting great men. He looks at me and then back to the tv. He sips on his beer and I can see a little of his belly protruding from his shirt. I almost wanna gag. "And that's why I hate beer," I say to myself as I walk away.
"Hon!" My mom yells, "Come on!"
"Coming!" I yell back. I walk into the bathroom and my mom is applying pink eye shadow. I just stare at her. Do I really have to go through this alone? "Mom, pink eye shadow...? Really? I mean... that's..." I stop because I know my mom won't get it.
"So I had my pageant last night! It was incredible! You know, Bridge, the judges say I've got lots of potential."
"Really the judges actually told you that?"
"Not in so many words, but I could tell."
"Whose Beer Belly in the living room?" I suddenly ask.
"Oh that's Angus, isn't he cute?"
"Yeah... he's a real... catch." I sit on the pink coloured lid of the toilet. The bathroom is a bright orange. Did I forget to mention that? Yeah... it's like actually walking into a pot of gold and you don't know whether to close your eyes or run out of the room. That's my mom.
"You know, hon, one of these days I'm gonna win a pageant and all this work'll have paid off. You'll see," my mom finishes her eye shadow and puts on some nude lipstick. She starts undoing her curls and when she's done she looks like she's been electrocuted. She grabs her shiny, sequined blue dress and puts it on. the dress only adds to the effect of her being electrocuted only now she's a blue light bulb.
"What'd you think? Don't I look amazing?"
"You look... you look... wow, gee mom, all I can say is wow."
"I know, right."
"What's the age group of this beauty pageant?"
"Oh you know..."
"No I don't."
"Thirties..."
"Are you thirty, mom?"
"No, but they never look at the application."
"Of course they don't."I watch my mom spray a crap-load of hairspray on her head. Great, not only have I been intoxicated, her hair looks like a huge hair dog sitting on her head. Yes world, this is my mom... Ginger.
"Hello!" comes Carina's voice.
"In here, Carina," my mom yells.
Carina comes in and she manages to hold her face in tact. "Hi, Ginger," she give my mom a hug and stands beside me. She blinks and looks at me. I can tell she's trying not to laugh at this whole pathetic situation. "You know, Ginger, this bathroom..."
"Beautiful, I know. It just... it really needed a colour that popped, yah know?"
"Yes for when people pooh," Carina whispered in my ear. She looks at my mom, "Right, I totally get it."
"Okay, come into the living room so you can hear my speech," Ginger leaves the room and Carina and I can only look at each other.
"How did you survive," Carina asks me.
"Survive? By living at my grandparents."
"Right, I keep forgetting. Man, did you see the cleavage on your mom's dress. It's..."
"Did you see the bleach in my mother's hair and the spot of lipstick on her tooth, and the overdone blush?"
"Right..." Carina waits for me to stand up and we walk out of the bathroom together. We walk into the living room and my mom is standing in front of the television. I look at Beer Belly Angus and he seems bored. We sit down on the love seat adjacent to my mom.
"So the question is how we can make more world peace in the world," my mom says. We both nod and wait for her. She fixes her hair and stares straight through the window as if to prepare for what's gonna be the most revelational answer ever. She looks like she's almost gonna cry. But of course she will.
"World peace is something that this world needs. If all the people in the world would not think of themselves, but think of others and pick up garbage throughout the day then we would have a better world. It would be a cleaner world and a happier world. Life would be more enjoyable. We can each take part in making world peace by saying something nice to someone every day and telling them to do the same thing," at this my mom starts crying.
I look at my mom and I flashback to the times when she forced me to enter into beauty pageants. I would have to wear the pink, puffy, little dresses and walk on stage. My mom would be there making sure that I smile big. I hated walking on the stage and having all the people take my picture. I actually even won two or three but I hated it. I never wanted to be in that type of world. I don't want a career based on my appearance. When I was fifteen my mom had a dress all made for me. It was a yellow dress with an empire waist and the crinoline was massive. I felt like I was in a yellow piece of bubble gum. So I ripped up the dress and found some left over make-up and just plastered myself with it. I walked on stage and there wasn't a sound in the audience. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. I then walked off the stage and was met by my furious mom. That was one of my proud moments. I don't have many, but that was one of them.
I hug my mom good bye. She looks at me, "To think it could've been you up there..."
"Mom, don't. I'm never entering a beauty pageant again. Next time I come... I wanna see you in your normal clothes without that beer drinking idiot. But then, who am I kidding, he'll be gone in a week or so, right?" I walk away before she can say anything. I get in the car. I look through the window and see my mom watching me. I don't care what she's thinking.
On the drive home Carina's silent. She's waiting for me to talk. I don't know if I wanna talk, but I suppose I need to.
"What're you thinking?" she asks
"Oh... you know... how I came from such a woman."
"She is... well..."
"Yeah, I know."
"I think you can look at it as a good thing in once sense. Look how you turned out. You're not trying to capture the past by entering into beauty pageants and lying about your age. I mean your mom does seem to be able to get away with it, but she won't for long."
"True."
"Anything I can do," she says as she drives onto the freeway.
"No... wait... we can talk about going to New York to visit Phillipa. That'll make me feel better."
Carina smiles and we start to make plans for a trip. That always gets me feeling better. Adventure.
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