I get out of bed and sleep walk to the shower. For some wonderful reason, that only God knows what with his wonderful sense of humor, my hot water doesn't work so I might as well have showered in Antarctica. I get ready quickly as I'm running late (which is usual... something I really don't like about myself... I can't seem to be on time no matter how hard I try). I put on a pair of Seven Jeans (I love designer jeans... I'm not gonna lie... my motto is... one pair of jeans a year and it works for me... so don't judge me). I throw on my blue turtleneck and top it with a vest. I grab my bag, my books, my toothbrush and a water bottle. I know it's gonna sound grouse to you but I've started to develop a habit of brushing my teeth on the run. Here's how it works. I put toothpaste on before I leave and as I'm in the elevator I brush until the elevator door opens. Right beside the elevator door is a water dispenser thingy which has those triangular cups. I spit into three of those, take a swig of my water bottle, and I'm set. Now it's not the most attractive thing in the world, so I'm still trying to convince myself that my tooth brush running is not why I'm still single...
I run out the door and do my toothbrush run and then make my way down the street. You probably should know that I used to work at a bank. Yeah... a bank. For some reason I didn't quite get the hang of it and somehow, (leave it to me), I managed to set off the alarm multiple times causing the bank a lot of money since the cops had to come. My till was always off money (not lot's of money, just a few dollars... okay one time it was out by thirty... and I still maintain that, that old lady Olive managed to take it from me) and so they "let me go". I was actually kinda happy about it. Carina, who is just finishing her Masters degree in counselling did a personality test which helped summarize a list of jobs I'd like. Banking among other things like admin, secretarial work, any type of businessy work in a cubical type thing, statistical stuff etc were at the bottom of the list. It felt nice to be free to realize that I actually hated my job. Carina being true to her role as best friend told me, "you have permission to hate your job".
I nanny now. My co-worker, Sheila, from the bank actually called me and asked if I'd be willing to take care of her daughter, Jazmine. I was up for that. By that time I was starting to get pretty stressed about finding a job that I'd actually enjoy. So now you probably wonder what it is that I enjoy. I know I love movies and music so I really wanna be in that industry... but I just don't quite know how to get there. But as of right now I have to do something so why not nannying. I play piano on the side and am starting to teach a bit there so... at least I'll be earning some money so I can, well, you know, live. But to actually be doing something I love... I can't wait for that.
I get to Sheila's house two minutes late. I'm always two minutes late... I don't get it. Is time against me? Are the clocks always not just right... or at least the clocks I have. Sheila welcomes me into the house and then grabs her purse. She tells me she has everything written down and that Jazmine is still sleeping. Well of course she is... I look at my watch. It's seven freakin thrity in the morning. Whose up at this hour? Right adults. Good one Bridget. Way to take one for the team. Whatever. I look around the apartment. It's a pent house. Sheila just happens to be married to a millionaire. Family business. But Sheila's the type of woman that has to be working. She's told me she enjoys being a mom, but she has to be doing something else. Sheila glances at me as she's about to close the door. "Watch out for Sven". I've just about to take a sip of my water bottle and end up choking as she's startled me. I cough up my water and now I look like a drooling 28 year old. "Sorry? Who? Sv--." She interrupts me, "Sven, our dog. Just... watch out for him. He can be a little intimidating. Just put him in the laundry room and you'll be fine. But I would like it if you could take him for a walk. I'm about to say something in response but it's almost as if she reads my concern and leaves quickly before I can say or do anything. If anything, at least she'll get one day out of me. I put my bag down and my water bottle on one of the many shelves they have in the living room. The view is spectacular. You can see almost all of Seattle and beyond. The living room is spacious with the most amazing big screen Tv. I swear it's taller than me. I'm about to meander into the kitchen when I hear a growl. I turn to face the biggest looking great dane ever. I mean he's monstrous. I feel like I've read somewhere that they're the biggest dog in the world. He looks at me with a pensive stare and I'm wondering what's going on in his head. I think of Pixar's "Up" with the dog collars. "SQUIRREL!" Only I'm the squirrel. I don't know what to do. If I run he'll gun me down. If I stay where I am... Sven stops growling and continues to watch me... I try to smile at him and pretend that I'm happy to see him. But he knows, of course he does. He smells my fear like the dogs in Up, who smell the squirrel. I search for an exit and I see the laundry room door. I inch my way over to it. I feel Sven's eyes on me... I stand in the door and take a deep breath. "Come'ere boy!" He runs over to me and as soon as he's past me I close the door. and breath a sigh of relief. "Okay," I say to myself, "That's done."
I find her instructions. It's fairly simple. Jazmine looks like a really easy kid. I feel like I'm the mom type of person. I enjoy kids... to a certain point. It is a nice high-lite though I do enjoy giving them back to the parents once their done. It should be a piece of cake. Jazmine's only 14 months old so she can't be that high maintenance. I hear some crying. She's woken up.
In her room she's got every stuffed animal on the planet in her crib which is bigger than my bed-room. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's massive. The ceilings in her room are huge and she has a hammock full of dolls hanging from it. It's a princess themed room. Man, I feel like I've walked into a celebrity nursery. Jazmine is standing up by her crib. Her cute little blonde curls circle her face and compliment her blue eyes perfectly. She is the cutest thing. Like honestly... I want to eat her she's that cute. I pick her up and all of a sudden I get this massive woof of something that doesn't smell right. I know it can't be me. I realize it's her diaper. Kay, in all honesty, I've never changed a diaper before. I never changed my brother's because he was older than me. I didn't baby sit babies, I baby-sat potty-trained kids. Super kids. Kids that new how to use the toilet. I look around for a change table and find it. Jazmine lies there staring up at me. "I can do this," I tell her. I feel like she's eyeing me up. Like she can smell my lack of experience in diaper changing. "I've taken diaper 101 before, okay?" I tell her. I take of her pj bottoms and look at the diaper. I undo it and there before me is the biggest mound of brown stuff I've ever seen. I feel my insides churning and my face turning red. My gut reflex wants to throw whatever's in my stomach, that should stay in my stomach, up out of my throat. I breath deeply only to take another whiff of the stench this brown stuff is making. I look around for nose plugs and I see a clothes pin (the type you use to hang clothes up on the line) and I put it on my nose. I smile. Everything's okay. I'm good, she's good, the world is good... Sven is good... okay, got it. I'm about to wipe her when she starts playing with brown mound of guck. I don't quite know what to do. Is this what kids do. They play with their own... brown stuff (I can't say pooh, just deal with it). I'm about to grab the diaper quickly only to realize that there's another liquid being bestowed onto the diaper and onto my hands. I try to rationalize what the next move is. But I'm too late. She's peed on my hands and made the brown stuff into a somewhat of a pudding. When she's done I grab the diaper only to fling brown stuff on my face. I try to ignore it. I've my clothe peg. I'm good. It doesn't matter that I have another person's brown stuff on my face, whatever, in fact, it's great. I fold up the diaper and I find a garbage can. I grab some baby wipes and cover her in it. I wipe my face. And soon were all clean.
Now it's after lunch. I think we've bonded really nicely and she is an easy kid. I now realize I want go for a walk so I find the stroller but it's folded up. I try unfolding it but can't. Why do they have to make things so complicated? I feel the stroller telling me that I wouldn't make a good mum. All mums know how to do this. Why can't I? I should have an innate sense of these things. I should be able to feel it in my hands as it connects with the stroller's handle... like we're one. But no. I feel all over the stroller trying to figure it out. But I can. So I carry Jazmine around. I've diaper bag around my shoulder, I've got her in my arms and three of her favourite stuffies who happen to be three big teddy-bears. I am... a mess. I can barely hold them all. I feel like I'm carrying a small town. Kay... maybe not that dramatic. Well good thing she's wasn't crying. Then of course she started crying and then of course I felt her diaper get wet and then I felt it get on my clothes. When we get back I change her diaper and am happy to see I'm no a pro. I remember I have to take Sven for a walk. Now that scares the crap out of me. How I take that tank for a walk. He's gonna walk me and I'm probably not gonna live to tell the tale. I look at Jazmine who seems to know what I'm thinking. She gurgles and smiles a bit. I walk to the laundry room door and open it. Sven's lying on a king size mat. He honestly looks like a king. He's just missing the crown and sceptre to give all his commands to me, his servant. I find a leash and walk slowly over to him. He doesn't growl. I look down at my feet and Jazmine and cooing away. Yes... thank you Jaz... you are my star.
Alright so walking Sven isn't that bad. I kinda like Sven. Though it is a little tricky trying to hold the stroller and ginormous dog all at once. We walk through a nearby park and I sit on a bench. Jazmine is asleep. I'm about get my book when I look up to see Sven doing something in the middle of the bike path. Large boulders of brown come falling to the ground and I'm horrified at the site. Bikers pass him and ring their bell in complaint. I stand up not knowing what to do. I walk over to Sven and the mess he's made. Someone's biking toward me. "You need to clean that stuff up! Where's you bag?" I look at the biker, "What bag?" He turns his head toward me forgetting he's on a bike and falls off and his face lands on the brown mound. I'm staring in horror, still holding onto the leash when all of a sudden I feel a yank. And it's not just a light yank... I feel like my shoulder's come out of my socket and the bones of my arm are still holding onto the leash which is trailing after Sven as he runs off. I realize then that my face is also in Sven's brown mound. The biker gets up swearing. I stand up, "I'm so sorry. I'm new at dog shitting... I mean dog walking... I mean baby sitting." Kay, where is my word filter. Why can't I shut my mouth? I look over and see that Jazmine is fine. Good. I don't want her to be traumatized by this event... like I will be. The man just glares at me more, grabs his bike, steps in the brown mound again and then stalks off. I look around for a bag dispenser but there's nothing. So I grab some leaves and quickly dispose of Sven's mess. He comes over to me looking as happy as can be. If he wasn't so big, strong, and not able to kill me, I'd do something about it. I grab more leaves and wipe my face.
Now I'm sitting in Starbucks. Shiela apologized profusely for what happened and paid me extra. She told me that Sven is her husband, Alan's, dog and that he usually lives on Alan's parent's farm in Montana, but Alan wanted him here for a while. Sheila assured me he would be leaving in the next few days, but to not worry because she'd have him gone while I was there. I was able to shower and load myself with perfume so that if I did stink, at least I reaked of perfume and not dog crap. I play with my pen while waiting for Isla and Carina to arrive. This has been a long day.
I take out my letter from Phillipa. She's told me that she's got a job promotion. She works for the government. Don't ask me exactly what she does, but I know she's doing it for the same reason I'm doing my job. To pay the bills. We both want to be in film. She invites me to come visit her and says as a birthday present to me she'll even pay for it. I feel really humbled. I mull over the rest of her letter as Isla comes careening in.
Two things of importance that one must know about Isla: She is the most inventive person I know, and she's somewhat of a clutz. They are actually two of my favourite things about her. It's great having grown up with her because I know her very well. There aren't many things that we haven't done together. Like Carina, she's beautiful. I mean, in all honesty, my three besties are stunners. Isla is 5'10 with thick ash blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and long eye-lashes.
Isla sits down at the table and realizes that the scarf she's wearing is on the ground by the door. A guy picks it up as she walks over to get. She smiles, says thank you, and walks away, while the guy who just gave her, her scarf keeps watching her. He goes to grab his coffee, whilst still looking at her, and spills it. That's another thing about Isla... guys love her. She's always getting asked out on dates.
She joins me at the table. I stand up and we greet each other with our usual hug and kiss on the cheek. "Hey darlin..." I smile as we sit down. She looks at me curiously. "What's that smell?" I roll my eyes and start telling her the story. In the midst of it she interrupts saying, "Sorry, let's get our drinks. You can keep talking."
We get to the teller and I'm just telling her about Sven crapping every. "I mean, honestly, Isla, I was oozing crap..." I stop and realize that the whole line-up is staring at me and also the teller. I stop and turn to the teller, "What I mean to say is... I'll get a tall, extra hot, caramel, carmel macchiato." The guy rings it in. He looks at Isla and smiles. "I'll get a personal, tall, vanilla, latte," she hands him her starbucks cup. It's the one where you can personalize it with photos. I see a photo of us at my last birthday party. We're holding martini glasses. "It's on the house." I turn to the teller with an incredulous expression on my face. He looks at me, "What'd you expect. You talked about crap". Isla looks at me sympathetically as we walk to the bar to wait for our drinks. We get them and sit down. I finish my story.
Isla pauses mid sip. "That's a crazy day." I look at my drink, "I know." I look back at her, "How was your day?" Isla fiddles with the lid on her cup and nearly drops it. We both smirk. "I got asked out by some random guy today". I shake my head. It's so normal. I've heard her say this so much in fact it'd be not normal if she didn't say it. I'm about to reply when Carina comes in. She smiles at us and then stands in line. We wait for her. She joins us once she has her drink.
"Hey everyone." We exchange hellos and then get back to Isla's getting asked out. "The thing is," she says, "I don't wanna go alone. He's kinda alternative. But my motto is, give them a chance." She stares at us both, "Will you come with me?" Carina and I look at each other and laugh. Of course we'll go. Isla grins happily, "Hey, maybe he has a friend, Bridge... you never know". I smile at her. Right, and I'm an eagle.
I tell them about Phillipa's invite for me to come to Ottawa and I tell them we should all make a trip of it. "My birthday is in a month and I wanna get out of Seattle and I wanna get some space." Carina pulls out her calendar, "That could work for me". Isla agrees. I find myself getting excited. We finish our drinks and walk out of the store. We all have to go our separate ways so we hug and say we'll chat latter on in the week to finalize Isla's date plan.
I walk toward home thinking about my friends. Isla and I are the same age so we were in school together. In grade 3 we met Carina and have been close ever since. When I met Phillipa in film school, she came over for my birthday party last year and really connected with them. That's something I love, all three of them get along so well. I do really hope I'll be able to visit her with them. It'd be another awesome birthday.
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